1. Take Good Care of Yourself
Darnell suggests that if you are falling asleep in your relationship, this could be a sign you are bored overall and not just with your partner. Start by looking at your goals.
Is there anything you can do to live a more fulfilling life? Do you have a small voice in your head that is telling you how to make a change? Are you neglecting a creative project? Darnell advises that you first think about this before jumping into a relationship.
You might discover that the problem is within if you think about it. “The person who says they are bored – over 80% of their time – will realize that it is themselves that is the problem and that a relationship is a good place for them to grow and nurture,” Michele Paiva, licensed psychotherapist, tells Bustle.
It’s important to remember that “it’s not me, it’s you” is a common saying. This means that it’s time for you to improve your self-worth in order to have a happier relationship.
2. Ask your partner questions and be curious
Although it might seem that you know everything about your partner, there is always more to learn about them, even in a long-term relationship. Melissa Wesner LCPC, a licensed counselor and owner at LifeSpring Counseling Services, says boredom comes when you stop being curious.
Wesner states that there are many prompts online. For example, the Card Decks app from Gottman Institute. These can help get things moving. She says that they have open-ended questions that couples can ask one another. This is a great tool for long car rides, waiting at restaurants, or just hanging out at home.
It will feel like you are getting to know one another again by asking questions. This will bring some life to an otherwise boring phase of your relationship.
3. For a couple, find something to look forward to
You will feel tired and “stuck” if you do the same thing every day. Don’t forget to plan for fun future activities, such as a vacation together or a joint project.
According to Kali Rogers a life coach and relationship expert, “Just as people need promotions at work to feel challenged and rewarded,” couples should feel the same adrenaline rush in a partnership, says Bustle.
Talk about your goals and the steps that you will take to reach them. Rogers states that planning dates, events, or projects together can spark companionship and appreciation. It doesn’t matter if you’re planning a weekend getaway or a dinner party at your home, having something to look forward to will make your relationship more exciting.
4. Enjoy a Staycation with Your Partner
Are you a frequent staycation? According to Jessica Brighton a relationship expert, “These are great for boosting relationships and they require very little money or excessive planning.” It might be the perfect thing for your relationship.
Pick a time when you can “get away” and then put your phone down. Then, spend the day with your partner, making dinner, watching the perfect movie, or walking in the park. You can also make it more fun by booking a hotel for one night and getting room service.
Brighton states that “a brief change in venue allows both of you to get out of your usual routine and element and allows you to have different experiences and create new memories together.” You will feel more excited about your boring relationship when you “return home”, aka to your apartment.
5. Consider What brought you and your partner together
You can always look back at the beginning of your relationship to find the best way to fix boredom. Samantha Daniels is a professional matchmaker who founded The Dating Lounge dating app.
She tells Bustle that this might spark a spark that has been lost for a while and may help you both remember things that you used to enjoy together. It’s also a lot of fun to reminisce.
It is easy to assume that we are all one another. But, thinking back to those early days can bring you warm fuzzy feelings. Before you know it, you will be filled with joy and appreciation.
6. Don’t be silly together
Dr. Tessina says that the fastest way to stop snoozing and start laughing is to be silly. Tina B. Tessina is a psychotherapist and author of Love Styles. How to Celebrate Your Differences. She tells Bustle that it’s the best way to stop snoozing.
Tessina states, “Make [eachother] laugh, think about things that are fun and meet new friends, do something else.” You can also make your daily life funnier.
When you have been together for a long time, it is easy to get stuck in a rut. You can inject some humor into your life by trying to make it more fun. You’ll never be bored if you are having fun and trying to make others smile.
7. Do Something Different Everyday
Sometimes it is necessary to take a lot of care to turn a dull moment around. This is why making a promise to try one thing per day might be your best bet, Danielle Sepulveres tells Bustle.
You don’t have to go to work every day. There are many ways to spice up your routine. Sepulveres suggests that you skip the laundry and try new restaurants, or read aloud to your friends from your favorite books. There are many options.
You should find the “one thing that makes your day feel different” no matter what you do. This can make it feel more interesting or create a new tradition that will help you feel less like you are stuck in the same old routine.
8. Get out of your comfort zone and get to know others
It’s not always easy, but it is a great way to increase excitement in your relationship interesting. Kara Lissy LCSW, a therapist at Good Place Therapy and Consulting tells Bustle.
She suggests that it can be as simple as watching a different TV show with your family, rather than the same one 100 times. You can also consider cooking instead of ordering again or going on adventures on weekends, instead of staying home.
Lissy states that cooking together is a great way to bond and relax.
9. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Be Independent
You can bring your own life back to your relationship by trying something new. Think about something you have always wanted to do but were afraid to do.
“If you have ever been afraid of crowds, take an Improv class,” April Masini tells Bustle. She is a relationship expert. If you have always felt self-conscious about how you look, you can go blonde (or red and brunette — whatever you are not !).”).
Masini says that improv and hair dye is not about your relationship. It’s all about trying new things and the impact it has on your relationship.
You’ll be able to challenge yourself and bring new energy into your life. This will also impact your partner. You will have many stories to tell and a renewed sense of self-confidence for having conquered fear.
10. Recreate Your First Dates
Do you remember those first 10 to 15 dates when your relationship was fresh and new? Yes, you can do them again. Literally.
“Go back to the activities you enjoyed at the beginning — those initial fun dates,” Melinda Carver tells Bustle. You can go back to the first date where you saw a movie, ate delicious Indian food, and walked around the park eating ice cream.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can help you feel the love again and trigger happy memories. This is about remembering why you fell for someone you love so that you don’t lose sight of the reasons you are in love.
11. Do More Than Just Sit There
The bottom line for almost all these suggestions is: You must take action.
“Take a class together, volunteer at something you feel passionately about,” Carlyle Januarysen, a coach for sex, told Bustle.
Jansen believes it is important to get out of bed and move to relieve boredom. “Get moving together, or go on regular walks in different areas. You can create adventures that are both enjoyable and bonding. You’ll forget all about feeling bored.
12. Make date night mandatory
We all know that regular dates are very beneficial. However, psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez believes they should be mandatory.
Bustle’s Sheryl says that a weekly set of date nights should be established. It shouldn’t be just a time for a TBD event. There are two options for how you go about this. You can sign up for a class that shares your interests, such as a cooking class. Alternate weeks are also possible, where one person picks the activity and the other promises to follow it.
This will let you both know that there is a date in the future and one that may surprise you. Relationships are hard work, so don’t feel guilty about planning your fun. This will make sure you have fun and keep in touch, and it’ll also prevent boredom.
13. Mix it up so that you never feel bored on date night
The same goes for date night. Make sure you aren’t just calling it in, but actually mixing it up. Ramani Durvasula is a romantic relationship expert and author who spoke to Bustle. It must be something new.
Do not just order at your Thai restaurant 100 times in a row. Instead, try to think outside of the box. It’s about being open-minded and willing to try new things.
Durvasula states that even though the plan may sound different, “the other person goes without question.” While you can continue to enjoy Thai food, adding in some out-of-the-box dates will keep you both busy.
14. Get your adrenaline pumping with your partner
A dose of adrenaline is a good thing, especially when you are both bored. Think about the things that might get your blood pumping, such as kayaking down a river or climbing up a tall building, or watching scary movies. Give it a shot.
An exciting experience, no matter how small or large, “promotes oxytocin release, which is often referred to by the ‘love hormone,” Crystal Bradshaw tells Bustle. Once that hormone is flowing, it’s almost impossible to feel “blah” about anything.
Bradshaw also states that oxytocin is vital in attachment. You will feel the same adrenaline rush as if you “survive” something slightly scary.
15. Start A New Hobby Together
It’s time for you to find a hobby that you can all share. This works because it takes your mind out of your comfort zone,” Joseph P. Coleman Ph.D., LP tells Bustle. You might then sign up for an online course, try new recipes, or go hiking in the woods.
Find something that you enjoy together and make it yours. Take this hobby seriously and keep it up. Coleman said, “Before it’s your conscious awareness, you’re talking to new topics and connecting with a whole new level.”
16. Give each other a chance to share your hobbies
Be open to trying out others’ hobbies, or at least showing support. It will be an exciting time for both of you, and it will send the message that you are invested in your partner’s happiness.
Let’s suppose you love hiking but your partner doesn’t. If they would join you occasionally and try it, there’s so much bonding that could be had. Vice versa.
You can learn a lot about each other by sharing your personal hobbies. This can help you to see the bigger picture and be more open-minded. It’s a great way to learn from each other, share your hobbies, and build a bond with someone who may have a new passion.
17. Try something new in the bedroom
Dr. Lauren Cook, a therapist, author, and psychologist, says boredom is often a positive sign. According to Bustle, “It’s a sign that you’re building trust with each other.” It doesn’t mean that you should accept it, especially in the bedroom.
Cook suggests that you let a “blah feeling” motivate you to have an open conversation about reconnecting. Also, include what you would like to do to spice it up. Discuss your fantasies and have sex in interesting places, such as a hotel room or the back seat of your car. This will help to get comfortable discussing sex generally so you can both understand each other’s needs.
Boring relationships can lead to boring sex. You’ll feel better if you work together to improve this area.
18. Spend a little more time apart
You’ll get bored of one another if you live together 24/7 and/or hang out all day. Instead of blaming boredom on a lack of love, spend some time apart. You’ll feel rejuvenated by having your own interests and own hobbies. Once you reunite, you’ll have lots of stories to share.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Bustle is told by Sabrina Romanoff. As a way to rekindle a sense of appreciation, she suggests that couples not be too open to one another.
It might be spending time with friends and having dinner together, rather than texting for hours. You could also go on a solo weekend trip, and save all the details for dinner when you return home.
19. Learn about your partner and discover who they are now
You may find your partner has changed if you have been together for several years. Have you changed your perception of them? Are you aware of all the changes and improvements they have made? You and your partner will both be able to benefit from a check-in.
“People want to feel valued and seen,” Cassandra LeClair Ph.D., a communication professor, tells Bustle. “We get so caught up in our relationship routines that we forget to see our partners as they truly are.”
Have a good conversation with your partner. LeClair suggests asking your partner what they like and doesn’t like, even if it seems you already know the answers. Find out more about your partner and try to catch up more often.
20. Find new things that make you happy
It’s going to make you more unhappy if you continue to think about how boring your relationship is. You may still love your partner, but feel like you need more excitement. Try new things that will make you happy.
Katie Lasson is a sexologist and relationship adviser who says that we often neglect to take care of ourselves when we are in a relationship. If you feel bored, take a step back to make yourself feel better. You’ve heard it all, you can’t give from an empty glass of water. This is especially true for a couple. Spend your quality time filling up your cup with things that you truly love to do.
21. Take on Fear Together
Do you fear rollercoasters? You might be able to go on one weekend with your partner. You might be able to take a brief flight together if your partner is afraid of flying.
Dr. Sabrina Romanoff is a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, New York City. Engaging in a new restaurant activity can help you to harness your beginner’s energy, and also displace the old and tired roles that you share with your partner.
22. Go Away With Friends For A Weekend
While spending a weekend away from your partner can be a bonding experience it is also a good idea to take some friends with you. Sometimes, you need to be apart from your partner in order to truly appreciate and miss them. Romanoff believes that traveling can help you discover new aspects of yourself by exposing yourself to new experiences. You can also return home with stories to share.
23. Give Yourself to a New Project
You can invest more time in your passions or start a new project if you feel bored in your relationships. Romanoff says that we need to have a bit of “healthy insecurity” to rejuvenate our relationships. Romanoff suggests that this can be achieved by focusing on other situations and experiences. Romanoff suggests that you cultivate your passions and then bring that energy back into the relationship with your partner to create a cyclical source of sex life.
24. Reminisce about the Past
Reminiscing about your early years can be a great way to have fun. Dr. Jess O’Reilly is a dating expert and Astroglide resident sexologist. “Reflecting on happy and exciting memories can remind you of the passion that you felt early on and can help you to re(ignite] the spark.”
25. Exchange Funny Stories
It’s a great way of avoiding boredom. This can be done by challenging your partner to laugh or exchanging funny stories. O’Reilly states that Being playful promotes both a passionate healthy relationship and an active sexual life.
26. Look into each other’s eyes
O’Reilly suggests that staring at each other for 30-60 seconds can be powerful. Although it might sound awkward or cheesy, O’Reilly believes this is a powerful way to connect with your partner. She says that eye contact can increase oxytocin levels. Another study found that deeply in love couples also tend to maintain eye contact while speaking. It doesn’t matter if it feels strange at first. Just keep going. She says that it is important to push your comfort zone as a team to maintain excitement and passion.
27. Take your dog for a walk together
You can avoid getting stuck in a rut by making time for your partner. Walking your dog together if you have a dog is a good idea. O’Reilly states that multiple studies have shown that dog owners report lower stress levels and are more active than those who don’t own dogs. Both of these factors are associated with more active sex lives. You will be spending more time together and may have better sex.
28. Share your sexual fantasies
It’s a great way for you to keep the flame flaming. You might discover a side of your partner you didn’t even know existed. O’Reilly says that sharing sexual fantasies can help strengthen your relationship and add spark to it. However, you don’t have to do anything about them. It is something you should talk about together. This conversation can be repeated as your tastes change over time.
29. Talk about your childhood dreams
Talking about childhood goals and allowing your mind to wander in a non-sexual manner is another way to get bored. As a child, did you ever dream of reaching the Olympics? Perhaps your partner has a secret dream of becoming a comedian. O’Reilly states that sharing these vulnerable and ‘inner children’ parts of yourself builds intimacy. We can get a dopamine rush from anticipation by allowing our partners to see different sides of ourselves. It’s similar to when we meet a potential partner.
30. Recognize that boredom in a relationship is natural
These suggestions are all about changing things up and getting out of the daily grind. It’s important to recognize that boredom is normal in most relationships, Anita Chlipala a relationship coach, and the therapist tells Bustle. Don’t think you’re headed for divorce if you feel snoozy. She says that “a little effort can get a couple from that rut.”